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:iconmistressofquills: More from MistressofQuills


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Read by SabakuNoShi

Things i will read later by sam7elric

Poetry by EclecticQuill


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Submitted on
August 27, 2012
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There’s ice in my blood, in the blue veins,
and Pain whips its scorching-hot reigns,
yanking and tightening its cruel hold
until my whole body grows very cold…

Licking crimson fire and creeping cobalt ice –
they clasp my limp body in an iron vice
so steel-strong and diamond-hard
that the black cords leave me scarred…

The fire drags me into the deep black,
the ice shows me memories of way back.
Colors dance before my feverish eyes
and images roam with deafening cries…

Voices softly whisper and gently plead,
but I can’t hear that they and their words bleed.
They don’t realize that this mortal disease
isn’t visible, nor recognized with ease…

Painful? Certainly. Serious? Yes. Deadly? Aye.
But completely hidden from the human eye.
Outside I’m calm, composed, but fake,
the true illness lying buried but awake…

A toxic poison slowly spreading to its goal,
eating, chipping away at my blackening soul,
and my weak, fluttering excuse for a heart,
malady oh so stubborn, refusing to depart…

Thoughts and dreams of just one image:
a face – dragged from the past’s muddy dredge –
once sweet and dear, now loathed and despised,
a face which hid a black heart well-disguised…

He fills my head, my heart and my soul,
for my ignorance, my innocence he stole,
leaving me empty, alone and searching…
seeking, questing, looking, but never finding…

I fear my heart will remain vacant and closed
until the One, my doctor, calm and composed,
can come to drive the poison away forever,
replacing deadly disease with loving care.
finally a post!!:wow: it feels like it's been forever since i've written (much less posted) something, and i missed it so much! lol but anyways...
so this is a poem about a topic that i often write about, a bad relationship that i was in about 8 months ago....it still fills my mind from time to time, hence the concept of a slow-working poison=P haha anyways, i'd love critique on this! even a short one:D

*edit: 3/22/13
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:iconeclecticquill:
The multi-layered imagery draws you in to a deepening sense of depression, the vivid metaphors adding colour and dimension to the poem. The descriptive attention to the physical and mental symptoms adds a depth of realness, making the piece highly relatable.
Technically, the poem is of a consistently high level, throughout. Demonstrating a good grasp of poetic principles, language, and vocabulary. The poem is direct, not deviating from the theme, nor becoming convoluted.
It's difficult to be original with the reams of poetry, on this, and similar themes. However, the poem remains a distinct interpretation of the themes used; reinventing cliches and using them to good effect.
Overall this poem is quite striking, especially in the final stanza. It's brighter, more optimistic tones benefit from the darker, colder tones of the rest of the poem, giving far greater impact.
In summary, a brilliant work of poetry.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconsabakunoshi:
SabakuNoShi Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Good piece :)
Reply
:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you!:)
Reply
:iconsabakunoshi:
SabakuNoShi Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconzaberith:
zaberith Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Beautiful and touching piece!
Reply
:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you very much!:D
Reply
:iconmeishkabokeh:
MeishkaBokeh Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Very wonderfully written!
Reply
:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you!:D
Reply
:iconwiku2707:
Wiku2707 Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Great. Love that.
Reply
:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you!:D
Reply
:iconlara-1992:
Lara-1992 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
great
Reply
:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconlara-1992:
Lara-1992 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
u welcome
Reply
:iconeevee1999:
Eevee1999 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Student Writer
Most poems I see (including some of mine) do not give a well enough hook at the beginning to draw me in to read the rest, but yours... by God, I just couldn't stop reading! Very amazing imagery, especially with the little sprinkle of optimism (that's when you "look on the bright side," right?) at the end.
Reply
:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much!:D I'm glad you liked it! And thank you for the llama too:D
Reply
:iconnemox7:
NemoX7 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013   Writer
Not often enough do I come across poetry that actually makes me want to finish... Love the interlocking imagery with darkness and sadness. And very well wrapped up in the end with a hint of optimism. Great work.
Reply
:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you very much! I really appreciate your comment:D and thank you for the fav!:aww:
Reply
:iconkevinlee11:
kevinlee11 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Once again; you employ magnificent imagery and metaphorical language. Reading through the stanzas I can envision the scenes you describe quite clearly. It goes through a range of emotions that evoke quite a few thoughts within me; which is always a good thing with regards to poetry. This piece is well written and I enjoyed it a lot :)
Reply
:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012  Student Writer
oh thank you so much:D
Reply
:iconkevinlee11:
kevinlee11 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconarthurcrow:
ArthurCrow Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Professional Writer
Very good word weaving all the way... enjoyed the mood and descriptions.
Well scribed!
Reply
:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Student Writer
thank you very much:D
Reply
:iconarthurcrow:
ArthurCrow Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Professional Writer
You're so welcome... keep up the good writing! :love:
Reply
:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Student Writer
i will!:)
Reply
:iconarthurcrow:
ArthurCrow Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Professional Writer
I can see you're a talented writer, look forward to reading more of you
Reply
:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2012  Student Writer
thank you thank you!:laughing:
Reply
:iconarthurcrow:
ArthurCrow Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2012  Professional Writer
:hug:
Reply
:iconbooksoverreality:
booksoverreality Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is, just AMAZING! It is thoughtful, and deep, and sad, and I could read it over and over again. Nice job!
Reply
:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2012  Student Writer
thank you very much:D
Reply
:iconeclecticquill:
EclecticQuill Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2012  Student Writer
I love this. :heart:
It's so dark and cold, but so hopeful in closing. :)
Reply
:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2012  Student Writer
thank you:)
Reply
:iconeclecticquill:
EclecticQuill Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome. :)
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