Stone Statue

A tear streaks her face –
A face of hard stone,
A heart of raw, bitter hurt
Still roiling because of the
Knowledge of hurts long past.

Feelings long suppressed,
Anger forever held back,
Tears forbidden to fall,
Weakness is her enemy.
But emotions are wildly strong…

Like a raging, wild-eyed stallion,
Or a tsunami – wild, unstoppable:
Once set free, untamable.
So she boxes them up
And makes herself forget.

The gilt corner of a frame,
A saccharine black rose,
Those smirking, jeering eyes…

A gold masked horse,
A pink striped box,
His sweet, laughing voice…

A green stiletto,
A rocky beach,
His dear, beautiful face…

She's losing her mind.

BUT… she succeeds, regains control.
Her insanity is put in chains,
But… not destroyed…
She smiles and laughs,
Speaks about herself…

But no one really knows her.
She trusts very, very few.
No one may see the chaos within.
THIS is why she can't think about it!
THIS is why she can't let herself remember!

Because all she can see…
At the end of that tunnel…
                                              Is nothing.

NOT when she remembers,
NOT when she questions,
NOT when she feels,
NOT when she rages…
                                              NO.

So she puts it all away again
And goes on living her lie,
No – her façade, her mask.
She is who she projects,
But that's not the whole her…

Every touch, every kiss…
A LIE!
Every word, every whisper…
An ACT!
Violated, played like a fool, abandoned…

Ugh, NO!  …can't think about it…
…MUSTN'T think about it………
…but must deal with it eventually…
…must prepare for someone else…

Am I ready?