Sta.sh
With wings soft as down
And beak fixed in a permanent frown,
The Griffin soars in open sky,
Reveling in his talent to fly!
But be not deceived by his fearsome face,
For it is as noble, powerful and endowed with grace
As it is ferocious and wild, impossible to tame.
His eyes sparkle red and gold,
And his coat is truly a sight to behold;
Smooth and sleek, it glows amber in the setting sun's light
And under the moon it shimmers silver and white.
His ruff rises like hackles at the slightest threat
And his tufted ears prick, for though not one to fret,
He'll not relax until he knows the danger has passed.
Tall, strong and majestic he stands;
With wings spread wide, the ground shakes when he lands.
All are awed by his legendary fame
But only some are privileged enough to know his name.
Look for his shape among the clouds so high
And listen on the wind for his savage cry;
For you may yet be one of those few.
Who has the courage of heart and virtue of soul
To meet the Griffin on his towering knoll?
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Lol I'm actually in the middle of some heavy-duty editing with it, but I haven't had the chance to update it on here yet
What truly impressed me was the way you handled the wordplay. The piece flows unbelievably well, and reminds me of a fantastical journey. The only (likely un-fixable) flaw is the stereotype of the work. It seems like far too many Griffins exist in the world. This piece, however, stands out among them.
You did an amazing job, and I wish I could read more like this. Keep up the good work!
Now as for the rhyme, I liked it all the way through until you got to the unfinished rhyme at the end of the stanzas. It felt (to me) just... unfinished. If the last line of the stanza rhymed with the last line of the stanza after it, that might help bring it all together, but it felt like I was just left hanging.
That aside, this piece was gorgeous. You have great choice in adjectives, and I could really envision him. You got a feel as to what his was, kind of what made him tick.
It seems so elegant and composed, just like the Griffin himself and I loved it! I am lost for words as to describe on the whole how gorgeous this was.
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